Monday, May 30, 2011

Walk it out..

#28 feelings that don't go away: The anxiousness to exercise after certain meals.
...I have recently gotten into the habit of exercising at least 6 times a week. There are a few people I enjoy walking with. However; during walks sometimes, I feel myself becoming very selfish. "We're not walking fast enough, we're not walking long enough..". This being said: I voiced this to a good friend, (Sweetwater Creek) and she had some very wise words spoken into me about my self-centered thoughts. We cannot choose our needs above spending time with others. Others are here for us, and they will be involved in our lives if we choose to focus on them, as they focus on us. I should not go into exercise with a down cast heart if I am with someone who is "not up to my speed". I should go into it with the attitude of joyfulness because I have someone to share my life with for a little bit that day. Love my walking time with each person I have (and will) experience it with.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Seeing the best

Graduation happened for our seniors at school this past Friday. AWESOME speaker. Seriously amazing. She was so full of wisdom and promise for the future. She even stated that she wasn't sure exactly what her speaker said at her graduation, so she was going to try and make this more memorable for the Seniors. Main thing that stuck out to me from her were two things:
1.) The gravesides are full of unfulfilled dreams. Do not let your hoping and dreaming deter you from your ultimate goal in life. Do not wait for another, better day. For that day may not come.
2.) Failure is inevitable. As hard as you try in life for things to be the way you want them, failure will always come. It's a way of allowing yourself to grow stronger in the daily tasks set before you. People in your life may say they have not failed, they are being dishonest to themselves and you.
I literally walked away being inspired by this woman. Her words had so much life and enthusiasm in them; they had power.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

blue ribbon

People are rocks in my life. Seriously.
I LOVE how people can make me want to be a better person. People amaze me with their zeal for living. Their excitement to live how God wants them to. This = how I need to be a better me. I thrive on others' passion. Makes me want passion like that for something in my life. So..my passion is....? God. Hubby. Simplicity. True friends. Hard to balance sometimes, but I love how God knows this. And He puts people in my life to come along and remind me.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Driver's seat...

Uplifting and encouraging words are great.
Except when you see those same uplifting and encouraging words elsewhere.
I have such a hard time accepting and especially believing those words that are supposed to make me feel better. I then have an even harder time when I hear those same words spoken to another. In my mind, it devalues what was said to me. I'm sure that's not true, it's just my brain over analyzing AGAIN.
So irritating not to be able to completely control your thoughts. I feel powerless. I know that only God is to be in control, but the fleshly part of me says that I can do it better. Sad thought, but true. If I can control my life, then only I will be responsible for when I get disappointed. That way, if something goes "wrong", I won't be a tiny bit upset at God. That's my thinking... and it needs to change. Now.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Old posts- deleting myspace

Trusting in Him
For those of you who know I'm reading about Prayer...a continuance:
This man is awesome, first of all. If you want to know more, it is Philip Yancey..amazing!!
"I realize my image of God..determines my honesty in prayer. Foolishly, I hide myself in fear that God will be displeased, thought in fact the hiding may be what displeases God most. From my side, the wall seems like self-protection; from God's side it looks like lack of trust"
I'm sorry, but that's an amazing thought! How many of us do that in our lives, honestly? I am ashamed everytime I go to Him in prayer, but I mistake my shame for what God sees as a humbling act. I believe that is what has been my stumbling block for prayer in the past. Why do we find a sense to hide when God already knows? I hope for whoever may read this, to go and find your spot of humbling yourself...

Love in a Box
Within the past 2 weeks, I have discovered not very encouraging news.
A couple that has been married for 3-4 years are filing for divorce. The wife left him...they are both very fervent Christian believers.
A couple that has been married for 4 years are getting a divorce also. They choose not to do counseling.
Problem: I already have a hard time of the concept "forever". So...when I hear of the *4 year* range of not being able to possibly make it until forever, it is very discouraging. Chad and I celebrated our 1 year yesterday, and it went by so fast. I really want this to be a completely God centered relationship, in the hopes that we will be forever on this Earth. But what about couple 1 that also had the same hopes? In the back of my mind I know Chad will have to eventually get tired of me...when that happens, does love just disipate?
Come on people! How do you just stop loving? Not just with spouses: friends too. Harden my heart to love, if loving in the end, will only hurt. God loves us ETERNALLY, but when love is failing around you, it is so hard to grasp the concept.

Letting Go
I’ve realized something:
I will always be alone in life if I choose to be.
I will battle with loving myself DAILY, even hourly.
Maybe I got married too soon for not loving myself.
I am better than being the failure I tell myself I am.
*This being said. There are things in my life I wish were different, wish never happend. I will be hurtful to myself if I continue my thoughts. As I struggle with doing things I never thought I would do again, I can only stay strong in the fact that I am a creation of God, and I will stand firm in my faith. I cannot stand the fact of living with thoughts that CONSUME me, and pull me into self-loathing. I WILL be better than that, I have to be. If not, what was I created for in this world? To succumb to the world’s standard of things? No, I want to be unique, and show that I have meaning...I am a light, firstly for myself. Secondly, to make my Father proud of what I have become.

Light Load
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ". *Galatians 6:2
Why do we always have the "I can take on the world" attitude? It's not up to us to independantly carry our load, yet we tend to make that part of the daily routine. Our human nature tends to embody our spirituality, which in a way makes us chauvinistic the majority of the time. The world is filled with our tears, and yet we can't fully humble ourselves to one another. I want to be humble before God and man. So start talking to each other people! It's the merciful insights directed by Jesus.

Faithful Deaths
I went the other day to visit my Grannie's grave. Why is it that when someone dies, we somehow feel closer to them by visiting their gravesite? Because technically, it's just a scenic view with a stone on it. Because they aren't there anymore. It's just a body eroding. It almost just makes this sense of comfort fall over us...almost like we're in there prescence again..but then not really. And it's weird that we feel that way, because in all truth, there spirit is with us no matter where we go. But it's like people, and sometimes Christians, it's our human nature to want to reach out for something that is physical..that we can see...so we can really believe. And that's where our faith comes in, we know we're not alone. With past loved ones and with our Savior. People visiting gravesites is just proof of how we need to see the physical in order to make us feel closer to their spirit...when we shouldn't need the gravesite at all.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Awesomeness...

Mom came with my baby and ate with me at school today.
There is a student who has mild autism. She gets very upset when things do not go her way. My mom bought cookies for the kids, some were chocolate chip, and some were oatmeal raisin. Cookies get around and student with mild autism does not like oatmeal raisin, but that is the only option left. Another student switches cookies with her.

My mom cries.

I think about it, and it really is a special moment to see the kindness of a child's heart. To see maturity in a 6th grader is incredible. I love it. Transformation- makes up for the hard days...

Also- awesome coffee date with Ethel and CC. Again: Transformation. Hearts growing and grasping for God's presence- LOVE.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Farewell

Manager calls from second job.
"We are donating items to the victims in AL, want to bring some stuff by?"
Do I? Of course!
Go through this whole frenzy of getting as many items together as I can so that I can take it before the truck delivers to the victims. I make hubby stop what he is doing to completely be in chaos with me. Emptying out grocery cupboards and closets. All for the feeling of enjoyment that comes with giving back...

Reality.
This excitement and new experience I feel for just cleaning out my closets and doing something good for others.
That's the way my life needs to be. I need to "clean out my closet" of life. Spiritually, emotionally, whole heartily. What is in my life that is weighing me down, and keeping me from being completely free of my extra items of life? I need to be ecstatic for sanctifying things in my life; but instead, I waver and just try and cling to it. This does me no good. I need to be full of Christ, and less of the negative and materialistic things I allow to take up space.

I will earnestly try to keep my "closet" holy.